What’s your Calling?

This morning a friend of mine came to my room.

I was talking to my Mamujaan on phone. So she chose to read my wall, the physical wall. I write on walls the things and words I like and get inspired by. So she came upon this word – Calling. 

What’s your calling ? Whoa, this question is the most contenting yet dangerous question. 

When you dig deep, think like hell, talk to yourself and experiment almost everything – then you get to know the answer. And after knowing what is your calling , it’s very difficult and terrible when you’re not able to pursue it. And sometimes, you go for it leaving everything behind . 

I have a friend who is so close to me and the level of trust I have on him is immense . We know each other since I was 9. He went on the expedition to find what’s his calling. And when he found out, he had no option but to pursue it. Few people are courageous like him but his calling was something which I always liked for others but never wanted for him . But that unsaid rule friendship left me with no option but to support him.

I still cry thinking about the choice he made. But when I see him happy , so happy about it – all the sadness and regret goes away. And I feel prouder that yeah, he has the courage to do what he wants from life.
Be courageous. Look , find, search for your calling. And be brave and passionate enough to accept and pursue it ! 

Money you’d make, sooner or later. But enjoying and loving what you doing- is Beautiful and adds tonnes to your Happiness ( The ultimate goal ).
*Smile and Enjoy the Sunday* 

*Oops , Monday tomorrow,  Now freak out you guys* 

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That Lost (Innocent) Love 

I watch Korean romantic – comedy movies . They are sweet. And innocent and beautiful. And I often dream of having such love story. BOOOOM ! My mind laughs at me and says “dude, you’re not a school kid anymore”. And yes , am not a school kid anymore , am not even a kid anymore. Am an 24 YO adult. And at my age people don’t fall in love*, even if they do- its not that innocent, pure and pious !**

Do you remember your school? That first crush ? That first smile which gave you a feeling of butterflies flying in your stomach? Yeah in that moment butterflies warned you – ha-ha your life is gonna be screwed !.

That first glimpse of heartbreak when your crush liked someone else . That first sign of jealousy and failure knocked your door. 

Then you got few more crushes and then one day you fell in love . The exact innocent , pure , pious Love! You went to restrooms in between the classes to see your beloved and waved a ‘hi’ from the the window of their class. You became daring and brave. You made future plans holding their hands, near the last pillar of the school corridor.

That first ‘ I love you ‘ which made you feel top of the world, that your name with his,at the last page if your notebook and a loves/weds in between made you blush !

Wasn’t all this beautiful? 

Then came the farewell and a fear of not seeing each other . Man ! That day .

Then things change , that innocence is lost and expectations come into picture. A dairy milk is no more needed but a box of Rocher Ferrero. Bicycles are replaced by bikes and those lovely moments with made you blush are merely for showoff now !

The love you thought would be for eternity – dies or say is killed ! 

And Then you become ‘This’ person who watches Korean movies on weekends and peeks into past and smiles and cries and writes !

~

#Iam_Rafat

What’s the Real Kashmir ?

​I wonder what makes Kashmiris and Kashmir different from rest of the nation?

Why it’s beautiful, serene yet not peaceful ?

Why being Indian, they don’t like Army?

And still few people join Army?

Why the stories that reach us are one sided ?

If it’s true ,what media shows, then why did this ever happen? 

Because nation forgot them when they needed us? Or were they given extra importance when it was not all required? 
Why can’t Jammu and Kashmir be a normal state – Normal people, Living in peace?

Or may be they are , it’s just that we don’t know !
Everyday there is something about Kashmir , be it politics , army, people, girls or natural disasters. 

We see what is portrayed . We read what is served to us and we believe what is shown . And all that is only one side of the story, I believe.
I have friends from different states, have met them (few more to go) , talked to them but I never had any friend from Kashmir. I want to know what media doesn’t show. And that’s possible only when a Kashmiri, unbiased, neutral – tells ! 

And then someday, inshaAllah, will visit there. Not just Leh – Ladakh but the real J & K 🙂

To Army Wives

​How do you manage –

Those fearful nights?

Those rare phonecalls?

Those insecurities your mind create?

Those trips you plan but never go?

Those long walks you take alone?

Those romantic movies you watch by yourself?

Those birthdays , anniversaries celebrations without them?

And

Those hardest goodbyes…? 😥


How do you manage?


Big salute to all the women who have their loved ones in Army. 


Dear Girls,You are beautifully strong !”

~

Iam_Rafat

~वादा~

राजीव  चौक के  एक तरफ अमीरो के लिये CP है तो दूसरी तरफ पलिका बाज़ार | हम तो पलिका बाज़ार  मटेरीएल है | बस रोज़ की तरह , ग्रॉउन्ड फलोर् मे , सीडियों के पास वाली दुकान  के बाहर थे | बेमन से खड़े थे , काम  मे मन नहीं देखा जाता , की हमे वो दिखी और ऐसे दिखी की पहली बार किसी को देखकर  हमारे होश उड़ गये |
बड़ी मुश्किल से उसका ध्यान अपनी ओर खींचा ,मत पूछीये कैसे । बस आँखें मिली और मन भी। फिर क्या, हमें कार में अपने घर ले गई । बहुत बड़ा घर था, पर हमारी नज़रे बस उस पर टिकी थी, दिल के हाथों मजबूर थे । कितने प्यार से थामे रखा था उसने । फिर उसकी मम्मी से उसने मिलवाया, उनकी फेक वाली स्माईल देख कर हर वो बॉलीवुड मूवी याद आ गई जिसमें फाईनैनशियल डिफरेंसेस की वजह से हीरो-हिरोईन साथ नहीं हो पाते ।
खैर, मैं अौर मीरा रोज़ मिलते थे। वीकेंड्स पर तो , क्या कहे , बस मंडे के अलावा हमें कोई अलग नहीं कर सकता था । फिर हमारे साथ होने के छः महिने बाद उसे ईन्टर्नशिप के लिए मु़ंबई जाना पड़ा, पहली बार हम एक महिने के लिए अलग हो रहे थे ।

अभी उसे गए हुए एक हफ्ता हुआ था, हम उसके रूम में उसकी और हमारी साथ वाली फोटोज़ देख कर सोंच रहे थे की मीरा हमारे साथ कितना खुश रहती हैं और हम उसके साथ।

तभी कमरे का दरवजा़ खुला, मम्मी अंदर आई और हमें खींचते हुए डाईनींग रूम में ले आईं । और इस से पहले कि हम कुछ समझ पाते, वो किचन से कैंची ले आईं और फिर वो हुआ जिस से हम पहले दिन से डर रहे थे ।
” मीरा, हमें माफ़ कर देना। हमनें तुम्हारा साथ कभी न छोड़ने का वादा किया था, जो हम निभा न सके। हम फिर मिलेंगे , एक ऐसी दुनिया में जहां फाईनैनशियल और स्टैटस डिफरेंसेस न होंगे ,होगा तो बस प्यार, तुम और मैं। ”

तुम्हारा पैजामा और
(अब) तुम्हारी मम्मी का पोंछा

Promise Me

Abbuji,
Today is Father’s day. Like stupids I wished you three days ago.
Well I tried writing the emotional things but that turned out more of a comic stuff .
So Here I go – no matter how old I grow and how young you become everyday,
Promise me, you’ll never stop being my partner in crime.
Promise me, we will never stop planning how to kick few guests off the terrace whom we don’t like.
Promise me, we will always have that secret language when we talk about Ammiji.
Promise me, we will never stop going on rides.
Promise me, we will never stop making secret little jokes.
Promise me , you’ll never stop surprising me with alu gundas.
Promise me, you’ll learn how not to tell Ammiji when I try to give surprise visit.
Promise me, you will never stop supporting me when I say I want to push this guy off the cliff.
Promise me, you will never stop enjoying my horrible cooking.
Promise me , you’ll find me a guy whom we all can mock forever.
Promise me, you will love me, always !
😘


Your Lioness,
Sana

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Jamaal Nani – Epitome of Love, Strength and Positivity

So today I couldn’t start my day with my Ammiji’s voice . And then got so busy at office that couldn’t call her . Around 8 , I called when I was waiting for the cab. As always she was so energetic, we talked about everything then I told her that after taking the cab, I’ll call her again .

10-15 mins later
I called.
She answered with full energy and told Jamaal Nani has come . I asked how’s she and say my salaam and ask if she misses me or not?
My Ammiji was asking and then Nani took the phone and asked how am I ? I didn’t ask her about her health . Just asked how she’s doing and does she miss me? To which she said for that she needs to forget me first 🙂
She asked “are you happy?because that the most important thing .” And then after giving blessings gave the phone to Ammiji.

Jamaal Nani is our neighbour . She lives three houses away from us. She’s very old, I don’t know her exact age but she had all white hair and she can’t walk with her back straight, she’s bit bent.
But if you want to see epitome of wife’s love – she’s the example. Being so old, she’s takes care of her much older husband , the same way she used to take care when they were young .
Everyone in our street tease her sometimes because of this and she blushes 🙂

And if you noticed , I wrote she ‘had’ white hair, because now she has none. She has Cancer. And she’s fighting it . And you’ll never see her sad or cursing that why she got this. I have always seen her praying, and being there for people in the times of sadness and happiness.

She used to come to our house every day and I used to tease her , and sometimes would talk as if am old like her and sometimes would talk as she’s young as me .

It feels so good to know such Great personalities. May Allah SWT make it easier for her 🙂
AMEEN.

A Conversation between Me and I

“Let me tell you something.
It’s not going to leave unless you help yourself and let people help you.
Let your friends and family understand your problems and resolve .
I know you don’t want to be like this. I know . But does that help? No.
I know you wake-up in the middle of the night and start crying without knowing why ! I know it’s hard for you to even come out of your room. I know you feel lonely.I know how difficult it is for you to stop yourself from hurting and playing blade-vein game. I know you’re away but still be strong. Okay okay I know you’re tired of being strong, but do you have any other option? You have to fight this and Win. Hurting yourself and sleeping yet not sleeping, thinking what to think, not eating properly, not doing things you like,anymore…THIS is scaring me to death.dont do this. DON’T.”

“But I try to fight, I tried to discuss with people around me who mean alot to me, but what if they leave everything and come to help me, or worse – hear, and ignore and leave me. Iam scared of this. I can’t risk the love of my family and friends . Iam scared of being abandoned or being looked as something pitiful.
Why can’t I be like you? ”

“You’re Me and Am-You. Its just am good at faking things – like am so good and I really laugh with heart and I don’t cry in the middle of the night, I have an awesome life, etc. Even I become or say dissolve myself into you – the real you, who is known only by the darkness of nights and loneliness of the evenings”

I don’t want Love

You know what? I don’t want love.
Yeah sounds crazy, I know.  I am a person who has been running in the search of true love ,whole my life.
I have seen people choosing failure in the name of love.I have seen people playing with feelings in the name of love.I have seen people pushing themselves into darkness in the name of love.
And I have seen people embracing death in the name of love.
I don’t want love , Man . I really don’t.
What’s the use of love, if you don’t become a better person?
What the use of love if you are going to be left alone?
What’s the use of love if you’re crying all the time ?
What’s the use of love if you’re not Happy?
Yes , Happiness. It is the most important thing. You can be in love and not happy. But you can be happy even after not being in love.
So , Choose ‘Happiness’ ! ☺
*ting ting tiding*

#Iam_Rafat

My Baby Brother

Today we were talking about my brother. He always wants to be ahead of his age. And the first time we realised this when he was 2 !
He bought a comics from a railway station even when he couldn’t read a word or even name the colors!
At 4 he started cycling – riding a bike made for 10_12 year olds ! *we had to keep enough supply of bandaids*
At 5 , he bought a cricket bat – almost twice of his size and he couldn’t even hold it but still he wanted that ! *may be to show-off*
He was around 5 only, I guess that one day he was coming home. And not alone. He was pulling something heavy by a rope … A living creature it was – a pet? Nope. We couldn’t pet that creature .Why? Who the hell keeps a 5ft snake as a pet !
Yes it was a snake … That rope was tied at the centre of his body and that rope was held by my brother !
We also were so scared . but he, obviously, wasn’t !
Luckily it was non venomous and too lethargic or dead ( don’t know , we just took it to the forest ) ! *pheww*
Meeting snakes , hyenas, jackals, wild rabbits, scorpions, owls etc was a daily schedule for all the people living in my township ( surrounded by forests)

He even used to grab lizards by its tail.
*eww*
Then he started doing boxing – we were asked to present him a boxing kit for his birthday.
Then he started playing badminton. Then football. Not to mention cricket. Then table tennis. Then stunts And what not !
And his high school – he used to play all these for different clubs and his school, and represented them at different levels !
At the same time, so good at academics and so popular among everyone !
Now, He’s 6ft tall and hits gym everyday …why? Because all his tees are lil loose so he needs muscles to make them tight 😁 *stupid reason*

And Yesterday he called me and told – he cleared his first semester of mechanical engineering with very good marks ! We were too scared like really as he hardly studies *Thanks to Allah SWT,  surely Ammiji would have offered 2 raka’t shukrana* :mrgreen:

Though he’s all big – grown-up – mature guy

But for me and my Appi and my Ammiji and my Abbuji
He is still that tiny tot who used to invite trouble and conquer them !

PS – We still put hair clips on his hair and he let’s us do that – even he knows he is and will be a baby for us , forever !